I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
