dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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