So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
