Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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