That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just invented taco cereal.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
