at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
