Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
