oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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