Plan B is the new Plan A
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
