i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
