god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
