I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
