TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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