seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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