Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
