you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
