I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
