According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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