3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
