Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize