just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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