bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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