Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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