I'm drive I can fine osifer
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
