Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
