dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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