I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
