I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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