The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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