I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We named our party play list daddy issues
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
