i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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