The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
