i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
only you would photoshop your dick
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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