Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
