I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
