hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
