I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
