And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
