just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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