Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I faked an abortion last night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
