I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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