Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
