a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
