Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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