Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
