if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
