FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How external is "for external use only"?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
