I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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