Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
