You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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