Kareoke will never be a sober sport
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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