My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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