Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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