So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
