Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
