My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
