I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
