Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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