I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
