I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
