Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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