I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
