She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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