after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
