Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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