she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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