Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
did i just pee glitter
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
