Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
