wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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