So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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